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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810066">Seamus and Dean - A short story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuntiuspotentiae/pseuds/nuntiuspotentiae'>nuntiuspotentiae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Deamus, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmates, pls help I have never done tags before</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:34:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuntiuspotentiae/pseuds/nuntiuspotentiae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was time to go back to Hogwarts but this year Seamus was nervous about his friendship with Dean. Friendship or perhaps more...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was inspired to write this fan fiction by a great YouTube video.<br/>https://youtu.be/iMwxM7fCZAE<br/>Have fun reading and give me some feedback while you're at it ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is September first once again, time to go back to Hogwarts. I haven’t seen Dean all summer. Of course we sent owls but still I missed my best friend. The sixth year at Hogwarts, I am sure it’s going to be exciting but somehow I’m more nervous than usually. Dean is still dating Ginny, he talked abut her in every letter. I’m happy that he’s happy. Ginny seemed great. I just hope that it’ll change nothing between us.</p>
<p>„Seamus! Seamus!“ The shouts came from behind him as Seamus was just about to board the train. He turned around, dropping his trunk and running towards his best friend. „Dean!“ He shouted and embraced him, losing himself in the hug before letting go, clearing his throat awkwardly. „Let’s go. We’ll still find a free compartment.“ Seamus said, pointing on the train. „Yeah sure. But I’ll have to get out again, after dropping my trunk. I told Ginny I was gonna meet her out on the platform.“ Dean must have missed the disappointment in Seamus eyes because he just got in, heaving his trunk into first free compartment. „I’ll catch up with you later. Wish me luck…“ Dean said, hurrying onto the platform again. Seamus set his trunk down in the corner of the small room, sitting down at the window and waited. And waited. Dean took a long time. Seamus got up, walked out of the compartment to glance through the window. It didn’t take him long to spot Dean, his arms wrapped around the redheaded girl. Seamus turned around, walking back to his seat. He wanted to be the one in Dean’s arms, taking in his scent. Right after he thought these thoughts, he hated himself for them. It was not normal for a boy to like other boys, he knew that. His father told him every time he read something about it. And of course it was. Seamus hit his fist against the window. There was a pain in his hand when he stretched his fingers but thank Merlin nobody on the train had noticed. He leaned his head against he wall and closed his eyes, trying not to think about Dean’s arm wrapped around him. <br/>He woke up when the compartment door opened. He looked at Dean who sat opposite of him, then at Ginny who just left the compartment and then outside the window. „How long did I sleep?“ He asked rubbing his eyes before remembering his hurting hand. „About three hours, I didn’t want to wake you.“ Seamus nodded. „Ginny is really great. I really like her.“ Seamus looked down, not meeting his eye. „That’s great, mate. I-I need to go change.“He got up, taking his robes with him. The compartment door closed behind him. He wandered to the toilets and shut the door. He pulled his shirt over his head when tears started running down his cheeks. „Fuck.“ He cursed, looking at himself in the mirror. „I can’t like him like that. He has a girlfriend, he’s happy! And besides that, it’s wrong. It’s unholy and wrong. That’s what Da always says. No, I can’t like him like that.“ His face was still flooded by salty tears while he continued changing. He splashed water onto his head, running one hand through his short hair, then he got out of the cabin, walking back to the compartment where Ginny and Dean sat together, his arms around her. He slid in, taking his seat again. Dean let go of Ginny, leaning to him. „Seamus, are you okay?“ Seamus sniffed before answering. „Sure, it’s just my allergies. Pretty bad today.“ He pressed out a little laugh. Dean still seemed concerned but decided not to ask any further. <br/>The rest of the train ride felt way longer than it was. Seamus had tried to read but kept getting distracted by the couple opposite to him, giggling and cuddling and kissing. It was like little needles his heart. He didn’t even want to be bothered but he just couldn’t ignore them. When the train stopped, he just stormed out the compartment and straight to the wagons. He didn’t wait for Dean, didn’t wait for anyone. <br/>The wagon started to move, pulled the invisible creatures. His eyes were filled with tears again while he stared out of the window into the darkness. He was the first student to get into Hogwarts. He walked up the grand staircase leading to the Great Hall when he heard a voice behind him. „Mr Finnigan?“ He turned around, still crying. „Are you okay, Mr Finnigan?“ Professor McGonagall asked. „Fine.“ He pressed out, wiping the tears away with his hand, not that it had much of an effect. „You don’t have to tell me but know that my door is always open.“ She put a hand on his shoulder. „Professor? Is it okay if I don’t join the feast? I am not feeling well.“ He looked into McGonagall’s eyes, his gaze begging her. She thought about it, critical but when she looked at the boy who was normally so cheerful and happy, she was heartbroken. His sad eyes, full of tears, his hands shaking, his snobs heavy. „Of course Mr Finnigan. Go to your dormitory and rest. And remember, my door is always open.“ She gave him a soft smile. <br/>Loud noises came from outside and one by one, students came in. „The password is Abstinence.“ She whispered just as Dean had walked into the entrance hall. „Seamus!“ He called out but Seamus hurried off to the common room without turning around. Dean tried to run after him but McGonagall stopped him. „Please Professor, he’s my friend.“ He begged. „Mr Finnigan is not feeling well but as you seem to feel just fine, I don’t see why you could skip the Feast. Off you go now, Mr Thomas. To the Great Hall.“ Dean protested but in the end he went to the Great Hall. He sat down at the long table next to Neville. The Feast was not bad and by the end of it Dean had almost forgotten that his best friend was in the dormitories, „not feeling well“.<br/>Seamus had cried himself to sleep, his curtains closed. Closed curtains were a sign for not wanting to be disturbed and even though he was worried, Dean respected that sign. The rest of the dorm got ready and went to bed quietly. <br/>When Dean woke up the next morning, Seamus was already gone. He got ready and went down for breakfast. It wasn’t like Seamus to wake up early. Seamus already sat at the Gryffindor table, having a distinguished conversation with Lavender and Paravati. „Astronomy is complete rubbish, that’s what I’m telling ya.“ He just said when he noticed him. „Mornin’ Dean.“ He said and pointed to the seat next to him. Dean sat down, leaning closer to him. „Are you okay? You weren’t at the feast yesterday and you seemed kind of upset.“ „Upset? No, I just had a bit of a headache. But I’m fine now.“ Seamus lied, shoving a piece of bread into his mouth. „Mmh, this is so good.“ He said, continuing to eat, barley talking until McGonagall showed up with the timetables. The first lesson was Transfiguration. <br/>When both of them finished, they went to the classroom together. The lesson went on normal, Seamus tried to act as if nothing was the matter. After the lesson, McGonagall <br/>asked him to stay so he told Dean that he’d catch up. „How are you feeling today, Mr Finnigan?“ She asked gently. „A little better.“ He answered honestly. „Why don’t you come to my office later.“ „Of course, Professor.“ She smiled and showed him to the classroom door. The rest of the day was eventless, maybe even boring. Dean and the rest of his dorm mates went to the common room together while Seamus headed elsewhere. <br/>He knocked on the office door softly, then opened. „Ah, Mr Finnigan. Come in, have a biscuit, the tea is almost done. She poured two cups and gave one to Seamus. „I thought you might want to talk about what happened to you yesterday. In a private setting.“ He sipped his tea, the hot steam warming his face. He thought about what she just said. „I’m sorry, Professor but I don’t think I can tell you. Well anyone to be quite honest.“ He scratched his forehead. „It’s a…very personal matter.“ She looked him in the eyes. „That’s okay. But I want you to know that you can always talk to me. And I am sure you can also talk to your friends, Mr Thomas perhaps. He seemed very concerned yesterday.“ Dean’s name in this context poked another needle into his heart. His grip around the cup tightened. That was one of his problems. He couldn’t tell Dean. He didn’t want to lose him and if he knew the truth he would probably be disgusted. Disgusted by him and his feelings towards him. He couldn’t risk anyone knowing. He had to keep it a secret. He swallowed. „Yes, definitely. Thank you Professor.“ He set the cup down. McGonagall opened him the door, wishing him a good night. He walked a few corridors until he was sure nobody could hear him. „Why do you have to be like this?“ He whispered to himself, punching against the stone wall. One of his knuckles had started bleeding after a few punches. „Shit.“ He cursed and slowly continued his way to the common room. He pulled his sleeves down over his hands before entering. His classmates were still chatting in the common room. „Seamus! Seamus, join us.“ Dean called, Ginny in his arms again. The sight gave Seamus another stitch in his heart. „Uhm… I’m actually pretty tired. I think I’m gonna hed to bed.“ He declined and went to their dorm. The room was empty. „You can’t be like this, Seamus. You have to be normal. Everyone else is.“ He said, putting on his pyjamas. He was just done when the door opened and Dean came in. „Is everything alright?“ He asked, worry in his voice. „Yeah. I’m just tired. Long day, you know?“ He got into his bed, almost vanishing in the blanket. Dean sat down on his bed, looking at him. „Are you sure? You seem off.“ „ Course. As I said, just tired. But you should get back to your girlfriend, shouldn’t you?“ He said, turning away from him. „Probably.“ He agreed. „Then go, I wanna sleep anyway.“ Seamus said, closing his curtains. He heard the door shut behind him and a tear rolled down from his eye. He wiped it away and closed his eyes. It took him a while to fall asleep but when the others came in, he peaked through the curtains, seeing Dean lying in his bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next weeks went on normal or what was Seamus’s new normal. He tried to avoid his friends, especially Dean. He cried himself to sleep, he punched walls because he hated himself so much. He wasn’t involved in Dean’s life anymore, in anyone’s really, so it was a shock when he heard Parvati and Lavender talk about Ginny breaking up with Dean. He waited for Dean in front of the Great Hall, a week after their break up. „Hey Dean.“ He said friendly. „How are you?“ Dean looked at him but walked away. Seamus followed him to the common room trying to talk to him but he didn’t answer. The common room was empty, everyone was at the Quidditch match, Gryffindor against Slytherin. Dean threw himself into an armchair. „Can you talk to me? I asked you how you are, are you just gonna ignore me?“ Seamus said angrily. „Ignore you? You mean like you did the past month? You haven’t had a real conversation since we got here!“ Dean growled back. „I lost my best friend and my girlfriend, not that the second one can match what the first is putting me through. Don’t pretend to care now, Seamus. What are you even doing here? Go watch the Quidditch match instead.“„Jesus Christ, Dean. I care about you. Don’t you see that that’s the problem? I fucking care about you. And I know it’s wrong and unholy and all but I tried, alright? I tried to stop, why do you think I ignored you? I tried but I can’t! And now this is exactly what I thought would happen. I will tell you and you will be disgusted by me and won’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I tried so hard, I even kissed Parvati’s sister but I doesn’t go away! I disgust myself. I disgust you and if you now want to tell everyone in this god damn school that I’m a bloody, disgusting faggot, then just do. Probably not gonna be here another year anyway. But just know that I never wanted to fucking hurt you.“ Seamus burst out into tears and stormed out the common room, heading for their empty dorm. „Fuck!“ He screamed into his pillow. His eyes were red when he got up and punched the wall. Once, twice… He didn’t stop. Not even when the door opened and Dean came in. „Woah!“ He exclaimed, catching Seamus and pulling him to his bed by his torso. He sat him down on his bed, then sat down next to him. „Seamus.“ Seamus looked on the ground. „Seamus look at me!“ Seamus looked scared. What did he expect him to do? Beat him up? „Seamus, it’s okay to be gay. There is nothing wrong with it. It’s not disgusting. I promise you I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want to, okay? And I don’t want you to leave Hogwarts either. I mean, you’re my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without you.“ Seamus looked at him. Was that relief in his eyes? Seamus leaned forward and kissed him. Dean closed him eyes and kissed back. The kiss only lasted for a minute before Dean pulled away. „I can’t, Seamus.“ He said softly, pulling him into a tight hug. He stroke the back of his head while Seamus cried on his shoulder. „I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.“ Dean whispered again and again. After a while, Dean took Seamus hand and looked at the knuckles. „Come on, let’s get you to the hospital wing before the game is done.“ He pulled the shorted boy up and they walked through the castle. Seamus eyes were very puffy and he was glad that Miss Pomfrey didn’t ask any questions.<br/>„Thank you, Dean. For accepting me. And bringing me to the hospital wing.“ He smiled softly. „That’s what friends are for. Best friends especially.“ Dean pulled him into a hug again before leaving Seamus. <br/>Seamus knocked on the door of McGonagall’s office. The door opened and the Professor invited him in. „Have a biscuit, Mr Finnigan.“ She pushed the plate into his direction. „I am actually surprised that you decided to come. How are you feeling?“ „Much better honestly. I talked to Dean.“ The teacher smiled at him. „Professor, the thing is, I… well, I like…boys. And I know that’s wrong, even though Dean says it isn’t, but I can’t change it. I tried, believe me.“ The looked at his shoes, rubbing them together nervously. „Well Mr Finnigan, I am happy to tell you that Mr Thomas is right. Very right indeed. There is nothing wrong with liking and loving the same gender. How could there, it is love and love is the most precious thing in this world, Mr Finnigan. It must be protected at all cost. And it does not matter if it’s the love of a woman or a man. Love is love.“ She sipped on her tea. „But my father always told me that it’s wrong. That they are bad people…“ Seamus looked at his teacher. „Believe me, it is not. Love cannot be wrong. A human cannot be wrong. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for something you have absolutely no control over.“ She looked at his hand for a second before continuing. „When and if you decide to tell your parents is your choice completely and you do it when you want and feel comfortable. Meanwhile you can just continue living the normal life of a Hogwarts student.“ Seamus was glad about the talk with his teacher. She brought him to the door and right before he stepped through she stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder. „Oh and Mr Finnigan, if anyone says or does something to you because of what we just talked about, tell me.“ Her normally so stern face now had a warm smile on it. „Thank you, Professor.“ He turned around and went back to the common room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weeks after Seamus was in McGonagall’s office we’re better. Even though he still didn’t fully accept himself, it got better. And every time a worse patch seemed to come, he told himself the professors words: Love is Love. Dean was a big help. He excepted him and helped him except himself although he didn’t reciprocate his feelings. And things with the others got normal again. They hung out and had fun, though Harry disappeared more and more often. Ron said he had lessons with Dumbledore. And yet another evening when Harry was gone, the incident with Malfoy was the top new gossip and the boys had played cards till the late evening. Seamus laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep when he suddenly heard noises and a green shimmer came from outside the window. Seamus got up and looked out. A huge dark mark floated over then castle. <br/>The next moves were fast. Everyone got up and out into the hallways. Dumbledore’s army and the Order ran around, fighting the Death eaters. One of them pushed Dean away from the rest. The fights were everywhere. Dean saw Bill on the floor, attacked by Greyback, the werewolf. It took a lot of time but in the end, you-know-who’s follower fled. On the grass in the courtyard was Dumbledore’s lifeless body. It was the horrible truth that hit everyone in that moment. Albus Dumbledore was dead. <br/>After a moment of silence, the crowd got smaller and smaller. That’s when Dean realised it. Seamus hadn’t been there. He rushed back into the castle, running around like a madman. „Seamus!“ He called out but there was no answer. It took him 15 minutes before he finally saw him, crumbled on the floor. His head against the stone wall, blood came out of the wound where he hit it. „No, no, no, no, no.“ Dean rushed over, shaking him. „No. Seamus, you can’t be. Seamus!“ But the boy before him neither moved nor answered. „Seamus! Seamus answer me! You can’t be dead, I need you! Please Seamus stay with me. Please!“ Dean took him into his arms, holding him tight before having the realisation. „Seamus…“ he said through tears and got up, carried his best friends body through the castle. All the memories they made flashed before his eyes like a movie. „Don’t leave me.“ He climbed the stairs as fast as he could, it wasn’t easy carrying him but he couldn’t take a break. „Don’t leave me Seamus, please.“ He still had multiple corridors to pass, his heart racing. He walked as fast as he could but it wasn’t fast enough. „Don’t go.“ The hospital wing was right around the corner. Dean ran through the door, his best friend in his arms. </p><p>Madam Pomfrey had said it was unlikely for him to survive. Some curse must have hit him but it was not only the damage that curse made but also the head wound. The fact that nobody had found him soon enough almost killed me. Why didn’t I notice sooner that he was missing? Why hadn’t I been faster? Two days, she had said. Two days for him to wake up. Otherwise it was too late.<br/>Two days. I stayed with him day and night. Every second of every day even though they said I should go and get some sleep. But if I had found him sooner. If I had found him sooner, there would be no doubt that he was gonna wake up, gonna live. Why did I pull away that day he kissed me. It could be the last time his lips had met mine. The only time. I shouldn’t have pulled away. I shouldn’t have rejected him even though I felt it. Felt it since the Yule Ball. My heart jumped every time he entered the room. My heart warmed every time he looked at me. <br/>Two days, they said. And one was already over. If I was going to lose my best friend, if I was going to lose the boy I loved in so many ways, what would I do? I always begged him to stay, even though he couldn’t hear me. I sat by his bedside, holding his hand, never letting go for it could be the last time they touched, for it could be the last time we touched. <br/>Two days they said. And there were only few hours left. The darkness of the night had surrounded us. I stood up and laid down beside him. „Please stay with me. Please stay Seamus. Don’t let go.“ I whispered into his ear. „Fight Seamus.“ <br/>Two days they had said and nothing had happened. I had fallen asleep next to my best friend. I didn’t know how much time was left when I woke up but he still hadn’t woken. „Seamus please, wake up.“ I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. „Please wake up.“ My head sank to his chest, my tears wetting his shirt. „Please wake up. I can’t live without you.“ I begged, grabbing his hand again. „I love you.“ That’s when I felt it. His hand softly pressed mine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To this day, 12 years later, I still don’t know if it was real. Because he never woke up. Even though I begged him, even though I did everything I could but it wasn’t enough. If I had only found him sooner, maybe he’d be still alive. Madam Pomfrey came in the next day, checking his pulse but she couldn’t find one. They gave him two days and he didn’t have more than that. He died that night, slepping peacefully while I was holding his hand. He died before he could live. My best friend died when he was only 16, after the two days they had given him. <br/>I heard a soft knock on the door as my daughter came inside. I closed my diary, putting her down on my lap. <br/>„Daddy, what’s a soulmate?“<br/>I looked down. „It’s a… Well, it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the only person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them. Nothing can change that.“ He looked at the picture of two young boys on his desk. They were hugging each other, smiling. The moving picture showed them at the Quidditch World Cup, right after Ireland won. He smiled, his eyes tearing up. „Make sense?“</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading this fan fiction. I really appreciate it. I hope you liked it but whether you did or didn't leave some constructive criticism, so I can keep tips and tricks in mind.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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